This is a question that everyone will ask themselves eventually. Unfortunately, I can’t answer this question for you because I am not an attorney. What I can do is tell you my story and how important this question became to me.
I first heard about estate planning just a few years ago and didn’t think much about it. I thought it had something to do with rich people that had a bunch of money. If you know me, you will know that I am someone that has to know. So, what did I do? I went to Google. I searched for everything I could find about estate planning. There was so much to know and the more I read the more I was fascinated by the revelation that this question was a question that I needed answers to. It wasn’t for just the rich, but for people like me; the average middle-class person. Now before I tell you what I found out, it is important to understand where it all started for me and how I ended up asking myself, “do I need estate planning”.
I grew up in a very depressed area of Los Angeles. My mother struggled with her addictions ever since my father left her when she was six months pregnant with me. He did this because, well let’s put it this way, I have a half-sister who is six months younger than I. I grew up with nothing, and when I mean nothing, I often had to wear clothes and shoes that were from who knows where, too small or too big. To this day my toes curl because I often wore shoes that were three sizes too small. I could go with stories when my mom would be passed out on the couch for days, I would need to knock on doors to ask for food. I was only 5 or 6 years old when this happened, but even at this early age, I knew I didn’t want this life.
When I was eight years old, I was taken by the state and forced to live in Orange County with my father that I really didn’t know. I will admit that Orange County was much nicer, but the culture in my family wasn’t much better. The woman that was supposed to be my stepmother was reminded every day that I was the other woman’s child. That ended up being just as bad as living with my mother. Throughout the time living with my dad, I had to endure the terrible neglect of being left out, while seeing my stepbrothers and sister being favored. Although my father had a job, we didn’t have much because he refused to let my stepmother work. I had hand me down clothes and food, but there wasn’t much after that. In some kind of weird way, I don’t regret this experience. It taught me to work hard and persevere for what I wanted.
I knew that I didn’t want to live the life of either my mother or my father. Living in Orange County, I saw how many of the other kids lived. I wanted that! When I was in the fifth and sixth grade, I would spend many of my summer days going from home to home asking if I could wash their car or rake their lawn. I made enough to buy the popular shoes or clothes and that made me happy. But, I wanted more. By the time I was in junior high school I had a friend that went to church. I found out they had frequent mid-week bible studies at different church member’s homes. I went to them and negotiated a fee to watch their kids in the garage while the adults did their bible studies. I ended up doing this three times a week for several different church members, from which I earned about $150 per week at age 13. I was then able to afford not only the popular clothes, but I bought my own bike and skateboard. Now, because of my experience with having nothing, I always was terrified that I would go broke. Therefore, I always took a percentage and saved it.
When I was in high school I was a money-making machine. My freshman year I lied about my age and started working at a movie theater and ice cream shop at age 15. In the summers I would work for the school district because they were the only ones offering a full 40 hours per week. By 11th grade I not only was working, but I would go to this little beach store and buy blow pops for 10 cents apiece, and sell them at school for 25 cents. It got so big that I had kids working for me. Unfortunately, the school shut me down saying I was interfering with their other fundraising efforts, but not before I was able to buy my first car. Man did my success drive not only my brothers and sisters nuts, but my stepmother just resented me. When I finally graduated, I had saved enough money that I left home three months later and never looked back.
Once I moved out into a two-bedroom apartment with four of my buddies, my desire to get away from the life I had experienced and have things that I never had only got bigger. I was driven more than ever. At age twenty-three I found my career job, but because of the fear of having nothing, I continued to work multiple jobs at one time. When I was twenty-four, I purchased my first condominium. A few years later I sold that condominium and was able to take the profits and purchase a different one in a more upscale area of Orange County. My entire twenties and thirties were all about my career and raising my son as a single father. All I knew was I wanted my son to have the things I never had, and to never experience the awful childhood I had to endure. As I entered my forties, I finally started slowing down. I never made it rich, but I had worked hard and had a nice car and a beautiful home. I was able to raise my son so he didn’t have to worry about having food or clothes. I invested in different ventures and most fizzled out, but some were successful enough to allow me to pay off my home at the age of forty-six.
During my life, because of what I had experienced in my youth, I really never wanted the traditional lifestyle. I didn’t want a marriage and kids. I was too busy working and doing things like traveling that I never did when I was younger. When I was in my fifties and my son was grown, I finally met a woman that I fell in love with and wanted to marry. She too had a grown child.
My wife and I decided to buy a small cabin in Big Bear where her adult son would live. Her son’s mother also lived there, so he would be close by to help her out when needed. We continue to live our lives in our condominium and visit our cabin as much as we can. I truly have a blessed life now. Looking back on my life, I am proud of where I have landed compared to where I started. I am not wealthy, but now have a middle-class family with a home, a little cabin, and a small nest egg in the bank.
Today, retired at the age of sixty-eight years old I am faced with the question, “do I need estate planning”. What I found out is, if I don’t have an estate plan everything that I have worked hard for may be controlled by courts and judges if I become incapacitated or eventually upon my passing. Knowing what I have been through in my life there is no way that I want anyone else deciding what happens to my estate. Having worked so hard to accumulate the money that I have, I care about my legacy and what happens to it. I don’t want my family to be left with a mess. I want them to inherit an equal and fair amount, so they have it better than I did. Maybe even create generational wealth.
I also found that estate planning is super important because I have a blended family. What if my son and stepson, who only know each other as adults, do not agree with my wishes for the passing of my estate? If one of them contests, who is going to pay for a probate to decide the disagreement? If I die before my wife, can she stay living in our home until her death before my son inherits it? What about the cabin since my wife and I both own it? I even read if the estate goes into probate my identity could be stolen. All this was overwhelming, but I found there was a solution. If I do estate planning, such as a living trust and powers of attorney for health care and finances, I can decide who gets what and who makes the decisions for me if I get sick. I can decide how the assets are split fairly, and while I am still alive, continue to control everything as I do now. This will give both my wife and I comfort, that after working so long and coming from nothing, was going to leave a prosperous legacy for our children and grandchildren to benefit from for many years to come.
Having now learned a lot I can tell people, with both rich and middle-class families, that the question “do I need estate planning” should be addressed and answered. All of us have grown up differently and have many different circumstances, but what I do know is that no matter what you have or what your family dynamic is, exploring estate planning ahead of time is a must.
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This area of the website is for informational purposes only. The content is not legal advice. The statements and opinions are the expression of the author, not of the National Association of Family Services, and have not been evaluated by the National Association of Family Services for accuracy, completeness, or changes in the law.